Cured of Compulsive Shopping, Spending Sprees,

When I was on Lexapro, I used to feel a deep spiritual connection to Tory Burch... Rodeo Drive and Robertson were my special places. I still know all the best places to park, eat and shop. Sometimes 5 large bags from a department store had to wait until people were asleep so I could sneak them up to my room without being detected. My cousin asked me one day, "Don't you want to save your money?" I took a friend shopping once and she was fairly convinced that I was out of control and not shopping normally.

She was right.

My wardrobe used to fill a small closet in a small NYC apartment. My collection exploded to the point that the rod in the closet is bent from the weight and I seriously doubt another thing could fit. It started with being video taped for a class. My humble wardrobe needed help. The Lexapro kicked in and a trickle became a torrent. My clothes now spill out of a closet 4 times the size of that one.

$1200 on SK-II was NOTHING to me. Only the BEST would do and it was far better than the $320 I spent on La Mer. Lexapro gave me acne.

I bought $350 on French lingerie. I've only worn one of the items I bought.

An $80 D&G T-shirt found its way into my collection. I almost bought a lambswool jacket for $2500 even though I'm allergic.

I went to Just Cavalli and bought two dresses that don't even fit me. I HAD TO HAVE that feather print dress.

Salvatore Ferragamo shoes for $350... At 40% off I HAD TO HAVE THEM!

The $150 Burberry scarf that was JUST PERFECT.

And $6,000+ in jewelry that I had to have because it was on sale, perfect for me or the store was closing.

Any designer by the name Max was a personal friend...BCBG Max Azria, Studio M... At Max Studio I bought two dresses for $150 each at different times. Only one of them fits me.

I bought a $1200 Ferragamo dress that practically CALLED MY NAME for $250 or so and it DOESN'T EVEN FIT!!!!!

Marc by Marc Jacobs, another favorite, has designed items that I haven't even worn because they don't fit. I was convinced I could lose the weight to get into them. I really NEEDED the navy heart print dress. I mean, I couldn't LIVE without it. I think I spent $700 or so, but I'm not sure.

And the Ferragamo bag was AT SUCH A DISCOUNT that a normal person wouldn't say no. I mean a $1400 bag for $500? Who would walk away from that?

MOST PEOPLE!!!!

At one point, a $500 shopping spree at a second run store was to be my reward for weight loss. But blowing that became the norm; I couldn't stop myself. I returned LOADS of things that I bought legitimately and then would turn around and take them back to the store.

Of course those returns led to MORE PURCHASES...

Klepto

http://health.howstuffworks.com/kleptomania2.htm

A head injury to the frontal lobe may have actually caused my behavior? Kleptomania is an actual disorder? I don't know how to explain how I could do all of this.

I have a closet full of things I can't wear, don't even like. And now that I am off meds, I'm a bit shocked at how low cut some of them are. I'm shocked and puzzled, why did I take stuff that doesn't fit me or that I don't even want? I've given tons of it away since the stores wouldn't benefit by having it all back. I also shopped compulsively and ran up my credit cards. Everything was out of control.

I'm not surprised if people are a little scared of me or din't like me after what I have been through. It's alot. I really liked this supernice guy and then realized he is seriously too good for me. It hurt. But I'm not really bad. If I had never been put on Lexapro or had a head injury I never would have done these things. Never would have believed that I was or should be good at it. I'm disgusted.

Now when I go to the store I actually feel the normal anxiety that stops people from taking things. Can a medication really remove your moral center or hijack your sense of right and wrong. I don't know how else to explain it. I'm so confused. I seriously think if I were still on the medication I would still be doing all of these things, unable to feel that sense of right and wrong.

twtpoll :: Ex-Con Vs. Bad Credit : Who Would You Hire? (via @applicants)

twtpoll :: Ex-Con Vs. Bad Credit : Who Would You Hire? (via @applicants)

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Looks like I'm in trouble.
Some of you are too.
Please change your tune. It's too late for me. I'm officially a bad person. Wish I could still take the meds so I didn't realize it, but that's what got me in trouble in the first place. Lately, I wish I was dead/not me/could be someone else. A head injury was the worst thing that ever happened to me.

Making Out OK (in the Car at Least)

I met a guy for coffee at the mall. I wasn't sure what his intentions were. He did mention that the place where I had parked was the "make out" section. He showed me exactly what he meant when he dropped me off.

Him: Do you mind if we park here and just talk?
Me: No.
Him: It's like we could look at the stars with the top open, except it's not dark.
Me: giggle.
Him: So what kinds of guys do you like? Do you have a type?
Me: I don't know. I don't really have a type.
Him: Do you like white guys?
Me: Yes.
Him: Do you like me?
Me: Yes. How about you? Do you have a type?
Him: I like them all. I don't think I could be happy with just one.
Me: Looking is OK, it's just being faithful that's important.
Him: You're sexy--the way you smile. You're amazing.
Me: Really?
Him: Yes.
Me: Tell me more about me.
Him: You've got beautiful eyes, beautiful hair. A cute smile. Nice teeth...

He shifted so his body was turned toward me. He reached for my face with his hand. And then he moved in for the kill. His kisses went up and down my neck making me moan softly. He was breathing harder and whispered "Come here." He pulled me closer and caressed then started massaging my butt. "Oh, you're so beautiful." He reach down my shirt so he could play with my boobs and suck my nipples. I kept saying, "Slow down." He pulled my right hand down to his pants so I could feel his impressive bulge. I put my hand on his chest after touching him briefly. He shifted around and then put my hand down there again. This time I was feeling his actual member. It was hard, but the skin was so soft. I squeezed it a few times. "mmmm" I wanted him but not here, not this way. I barely know him.

I was getting nervous. The last thing I need is to add something else to my present charges. (Lewd conduct, indecent exposure...It could hardly be considered prostitution since there was no cash involved and he bought coffee and a sandwich that cost a total of $13.15--for both of us.) I started pulling away. Part of me didn't want to, but it would be too easy to get another ticket for something where we were. The mall police station was so close. If I'm going to be with someone I want to be able to relax. Though I had already pulled away and then crossed my legs subconsciously, the mall security guards were very curious when they saw him kissing my neck again.

Him: So, I'm just curious, how many dates does it take for you--3, 4, 5?
Me: Ummm (I was thinking 5 months)
Him: Girls always say that they've been with 3 guys, but guys we always think about the attraction first.
Me: I want to take things a little bit slower. I want to know that it means something.
Him: If I were a girl, I'd be the same way.

I later texted him:
Me: I can still smell you on me.
Him: Good then I left my mark.
Me: I'm still thinking about it.
Him: I was dying for you to go down.
Me: I like surprises dates like that, but I might be more in the mood after a really nice date.

I haven't heard from him in few days. Oh well. Is it because I said something about serial killers and going back to some guys place being dangerous? Is it because I didn't really have a good answer for his question, "So why are you so interested in the law?" Or is it because I didn't answer when he asked how many dates it would take before I slept with someone? Truth be told, I wouldn't know how many dates it would take, but I have to feel like a guy cares about me. Other than the pecadillos I have shared, I'm a really nice girl hanging on for a dream of being with someone who cares for me. Could be that he was just after a little thrill in the makeout garage. In that case, he didn't really get what he wanted.

I keep wondering why I stopped myself from doing this and yet couldn't stop myself from stealing.

The Truth Is No One Cares

It's sad. No one cares until you make them care. No one cares--not even a public defender who is supposed to have a bleeding heart because they took a low paying attorney job. Not until you make them care.

That's what I had to do. I had to insist that they look at my medical records, talk to my counselor and listen to me. Why should they care? I told my Public Defender, "I don't think you even like me." He answered, "I don't know you." He doesn't. I had just met him.

The offer: 3 years probation.
The problem: How is that really going to help me or anyone else when I was taking medication that made me compulsive?

I couldn't stop myself. I only got caught twice. I wanted to stop and couldn't.

If you ever get stopped for anything, MAKE THEM CARE. I wish I had known that the first time around. I wouldn't have accepted the plea, but then I was not completely understanding everything that was going on. I wasn't aware that the medication was lifting my inhibitions in that way. But now I think about things I used to do easily. I imagined myself taking a pack of cookies with my coffee at the counter today, but I couldn't do it. I did that on numerous occaisions when I was medicated. I don't know what to think of myself now that I am on the other side.

Raw Deal

I found out that if you believe that your attourney did not adequately represent you that you can go back to appeal a decision.

Attourneys that you pay can be bad news. The truth is that some people got into law to make money, that means they want to spend the least amount of time and get the most amount of money. That also means they may not represent you very well and talk you into a plea that does not benefit you. They know that most people don't know the law. They think it's easier to go ahead and put a convition on your record and they have you pay them to expunge (have it removed) than it is for them to properly defend you.

Word to the formerly unwise, if you qualify, go with the Public Defender's Office. Even if you have to pay later because you make too much money, you may get a better defense.

Then again, it's forced me to learn something about the law on my own.

To wise up, take a look at you local court's website and see if they give you any helpful information. You can also check out http://www.lasuperiorcourt.org/Criminal/ for helpful and inclusive information. They are a large court and give a great deal of helpful information at an early high school reading level.

Good luck and stay out of trouble!!

A Good Case For Trail

I met with a law clerk in the Public Defender's Office today. He let me read the police report. I told him the points that I took issue with.

1. They have no right to seize my purse.
2. They have no right to go in my purse and then say I wasn't cooperating.
3. They may not have a right to peer through the slats to watch you change. (I'm never using a dressing room again.)
4. They threatened me with excessive force.
5. They did not allow me to use the bathroom. (I don't care how murderous you are, you should be allowed to use the bathroom because they have what is called a "duty of care" responsibility if they detain you.
6. They are not allowed to use any kind of entrapment--or tricks to get you to commit a crime. (When I said I had to go to the bathroom I was directed to the open door rather than being told I could use the one in the store.)

Remember, if they make mistakes in the way that they treat you, they can be held liable for that.

The clerk will be getting copies of my medical records, surgical records and will subpoena a copy of the department store Loss Prevention Handbook.

I will let you know what is in that because it is totally relevant to this blog.

I have to wait to file a police complaint because if I make the complaint before the case is resolved, it could go badly for me. On the other hand, he said that because of my circumstances that this would be a great case for a trial. Apparently I love drama.

As with everything, I will let you know what happens.

And stop stealing stuff!!

Date with a Probation Officer

I thought it would be hot to go out with a probation officer who didn't know I was on probation. I suppose he might have found out eventually. But there was just something hot about it. And he seemed to really like my pictures--especially the sexy

Unfortunately, he backed out.

Gee I've been on unsupervised probation... What if I have to go on supervised probation and what if he turns out to be my PO? That will be interesting. I suppose I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Going off the meds

Every day I realize how many side effects I was experiencing. I really never wanted to be on antidepressants, but I had to. The problem with them is that they really can cause you to have a manic episode. I'm sure you've heard that it could be fun to be happy all the time. But a manic episode may not cause you to feel happy. It can also cause you to just be irritated all the time and end up yelling at people because you are so uncomfortable and on edge. I developed acne, I had muscle twitches, I had some basic muscle coordination issues--it was hard to write and even to read because I lost some fine motor coordination.

The antidepressant I was taking also is used to treat anxiety. That explains why I could shoplift and really not feel bad about it. As I cut the medication, I found I just couldn't do it anymore. I found myself being my usual square self who pays for everything.

Unfortunately, now I have mess to deal with. I don't have as much as Winona Ryder did, but still, it's a mess. One that I didn't even realize I was getting into until now when I am going off of it.

Crappy Birthday

My Brother called me and at the end of our conversation he said, in that off-hand way that all men say things to women they care about:

Brother: Stay out of trouble.
Petty: I think you should tell me that more often.
Brother: Yeah, riiiight.
Petty: No really. It might help.

No, really, Brother, maybe knowing that you care might have punctured through the prescription drug-induced haze.

What if it's true?

What if it's true that I've been mentally compromised by medications I was taking? I think it might actually be. I can't believe the things I have been doing. Now that I'm going off my meds, I'm in a little bit of shock. It was like part of my brain was dead and now it's back. I had to go on the medicine to basically save my life, but then it caused other problems. What if I was truly heavily impacted by a head injury. I'm so confused. I promise you, it's not the Twinky defense.

Not Guilty

I know what you're thinking...
I won't admit to a single thing.
I went to court today for arraignment. In case you don't know what that is, that's when you appear before a judge to enter a plea of guilty or not guilty. If you say you are not guilty, then you have a pre-trial hearing after you meet with a public defender.
For now a plea of Not Guilty has been entered. I took a little trip to the Public Defender's Office. I'm totaly out of dough. I am cleaning up such a huge mess. I don't even know what happened to my processes of logic or even my sense of right and wrong. All I know is that I stopped taking one of the medications I was on, and halved the dose of the other one. On the other side of that, I'm looking at the shambles of my life in shock.

What was I doing?
What was I thinking?
I don't know. I don't know.
I feel sick.

A New Era

Yes, it's true, after my recent episode involving police abuse, that was enough to shake me out of it. Stealing a dress never made anyone feel any better. Of course it's easily arguable that if stopped, you didn't actually steal anything. It's also true that attempted theft combined with humiliation and excessive force at the hands of the police REALLY never made anyone feel any better.

Because of my strong fear of abuse by those in authority, not being able to get copies of surveillance tapes, etc, I have purchased a spy camera.

There was a time when a camera in a pen, watch or MP3 player sized device was pure fiction. Those days are now here.

This is not so much about you being guilty or innocent. You are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. This is about people who may violate your civil rights.

According to civil codes, people can be recording in a public place where there is no expectation of privacy. That means you can record people at a store, on the steps of the courthouse, and anywhere else that is PUBLIC.

10 Commandments on a Penny

My doctor gave me the 10 Commandments on a penny.
She was giving them out to everyone with a big smile.
I think they should be able to post it at every school.

I rubbed it in my pocket all day thinking:

Thou shalt not steal.
Thou shalt not steal.
Thou shalt not steal.
Thou shalt not steal.

Next Steps

The agency I hired wants me to do some investigative work for them. They want me to wear a wire tap when I go back there and see if I am approached and harassed by the department store staff. Did you know that they can't harass you for stuff like that?

He said he will be writing to the department store corporate office on my behalf saying that they unreasonably detained me and treated me badly. He said that will pressure them to drop the charges. If they are exposed for their abuses, it will be way worse for them financially.

Everything was captured on video that night. Copies of video can be subpoenaed to show that the arresting officer used excessive force.

As always, I'll let you know what happens.

Lastly, don't steal anything and I won't either. Not even a stick of gum!!!

Lovely Thoughts

I am trying to find an attorney and file a complaint against the police. I don't know how seriously anyone will take it when I complain, but there has to be video of this officer roughing me up. Sure, maybe she got into the heat of the moment and stopped seeing the reality that there was no way I was going to hurt anyone and was under no obligation to say anything to anyone. Screw them. They should have to be accountable for what they did. I mean, even a big time sheriff in Orange County, CA is going to go to jail for jury tampering. And I pass on this gem to you.

Police brutality. Because we can. (At least for awhile, but then it can catch up to you.)

Swine Flu

I have gotten really sick since my episode with the police--I mean the pigs. And you know pigs have SWINE FLU!!

Seriously, be careful. Wash your hands and stay away from the police. They don't have your best interests in mind.

Many Happy Returns!!

When it was Eeyore's birthday in one of the Winnie the Pooh books, someone wished him, "Many happy returns of the day."

Did Eeyore ever have a happy return like mine?

I bought a piece of jewelry at a department store that was closing. It was marked final sale on the receipt and on the sticker. I cut off the part of the sticker that said No Returns, Final Sale in red and returned it without the receipt. I was just hoping to get back what I spent on it because I regretted spending so much. They were apologetic when they said that it gives the best price from the past few months when it finds it in the system. I said that it was about what I had paid for it.

That price was nearly $400 more than what I paid for it!!!! Sweet!!

I about choked. I certainly wasn't going to tell. Thank you, thank you very much. If only I had bought a few more things!!

PS I also returned a purse that I bought on the store credit card that was marked final sale. I don't regret it one bit. It broke. I don't think I should have to keep it under those circumstances. I told them to send it back to the vendor.

Arrested for Shoplifting? 10 things to remember

1. If you are being detained, you have been arrested. Arrest really just means that you have been stopped. They are allowed to do this.
2. Don't say anything. You may be guilty as sin, but you have a Constitutional right. The 5th Amendment protects you from self-incrimination.
3. Don't believe anything they say. A department store will tell you that they will "let you go" if you cooperate. They are trying to get a confession out of you or collect evidence so that they can turn you over to the police.
4. Don't let the store take a picture. They don't have the right. They will tell you they "need" to. They don't. Turn your head, look down. It makes them angry, but so what?
5. Don't let them look through your stuff. They will say things like, "I'm going to look through your purse to get your ID, OK?" Tell them no. It makes them angry, but so what? They will tell you that they will turn you over to the police because you didn't cooperate. So what? They were going to do that anyway. When the police come, they CAN look through your stuff without your consent if there is probable cause that you committed a crime. I'm looking into the matter of whether or not the police had the right to get my ID from my purse or search through my purse when I was only being accused of taking 1 item.
6. Don't say anything. The police will try to get you to tell them what happened even after they read you your Miranda rights. Repeat this mantra, "I have the right to remain silent." They will ask again. Repeat, "I have the right to remain silent." They will tell you you are rude, have a bad attitude and demand to know why you aren't cooperating. They will ask you about the weather and try again to get a confession. Repeat this mantra, "I have the right to remain silent. I have the right to have an attorney."
7. Remember everything they do. You have other rights like protection from cruel and unusual punishment. Did they use uneccessary force? Did you advise them that you have a legitimate injury? Did they ignore what you said? Did they do anything cruel and unusual? ie did you tell them you had to go to the bathroom for 90 minutes without being allowed to go? They will tell you that they will let you use the bathroom if you cooperate. Don't tell them anything. Report things they do wrong to agencies like the ACLU or register a complaint of police misconduct to PoliceAbuse.com. If the shopkeeper does anything wrong, they may have to drop their charges. They may be found to be even more guilty than you an criminally or at lest civilly liable. You may be able to collect damages--money--for what they did wrong.
8. Yes, you're in trouble. Yes, you might be guilty as sin. So what? You still have rights.
9. Depending on your history and the charges a public defender may be just as good as a lawyer you pay for.
10. Lastly. Stop stealing you fucking idiot!

I Quit

I can no longer steal. I have lost the touch. I got caught a second time. Why am I doing this to myself? The thing is, it was an ugly dress that didn't even fit me right. I was going to leave it in the dressing room. I didn't. I should have.

I came down quite harshly on those who have been caught multiple times tuning around and teaching their kids how to steal. Now clearly, I should quit.

I met a guy who I think should quit. He had 5 felony counts of commercial burglary, etc and just got out of jail for running a shoplifting ring that supplied purses to wealthy women who want the latest and are willing to pay. He wants a decent job, but can't get one because he's a convicted felon.

I don't want to end up in the same boat.