Klepto

http://health.howstuffworks.com/kleptomania2.htm

A head injury to the frontal lobe may have actually caused my behavior? Kleptomania is an actual disorder? I don't know how to explain how I could do all of this.

I have a closet full of things I can't wear, don't even like. And now that I am off meds, I'm a bit shocked at how low cut some of them are. I'm shocked and puzzled, why did I take stuff that doesn't fit me or that I don't even want? I've given tons of it away since the stores wouldn't benefit by having it all back. I also shopped compulsively and ran up my credit cards. Everything was out of control.

I'm not surprised if people are a little scared of me or din't like me after what I have been through. It's alot. I really liked this supernice guy and then realized he is seriously too good for me. It hurt. But I'm not really bad. If I had never been put on Lexapro or had a head injury I never would have done these things. Never would have believed that I was or should be good at it. I'm disgusted.

Now when I go to the store I actually feel the normal anxiety that stops people from taking things. Can a medication really remove your moral center or hijack your sense of right and wrong. I don't know how else to explain it. I'm so confused. I seriously think if I were still on the medication I would still be doing all of these things, unable to feel that sense of right and wrong.

twtpoll :: Ex-Con Vs. Bad Credit : Who Would You Hire? (via @applicants)

twtpoll :: Ex-Con Vs. Bad Credit : Who Would You Hire? (via @applicants)

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Looks like I'm in trouble.
Some of you are too.
Please change your tune. It's too late for me. I'm officially a bad person. Wish I could still take the meds so I didn't realize it, but that's what got me in trouble in the first place. Lately, I wish I was dead/not me/could be someone else. A head injury was the worst thing that ever happened to me.

A Good Case For Trail

I met with a law clerk in the Public Defender's Office today. He let me read the police report. I told him the points that I took issue with.

1. They have no right to seize my purse.
2. They have no right to go in my purse and then say I wasn't cooperating.
3. They may not have a right to peer through the slats to watch you change. (I'm never using a dressing room again.)
4. They threatened me with excessive force.
5. They did not allow me to use the bathroom. (I don't care how murderous you are, you should be allowed to use the bathroom because they have what is called a "duty of care" responsibility if they detain you.
6. They are not allowed to use any kind of entrapment--or tricks to get you to commit a crime. (When I said I had to go to the bathroom I was directed to the open door rather than being told I could use the one in the store.)

Remember, if they make mistakes in the way that they treat you, they can be held liable for that.

The clerk will be getting copies of my medical records, surgical records and will subpoena a copy of the department store Loss Prevention Handbook.

I will let you know what is in that because it is totally relevant to this blog.

I have to wait to file a police complaint because if I make the complaint before the case is resolved, it could go badly for me. On the other hand, he said that because of my circumstances that this would be a great case for a trial. Apparently I love drama.

As with everything, I will let you know what happens.

And stop stealing stuff!!

Going off the meds

Every day I realize how many side effects I was experiencing. I really never wanted to be on antidepressants, but I had to. The problem with them is that they really can cause you to have a manic episode. I'm sure you've heard that it could be fun to be happy all the time. But a manic episode may not cause you to feel happy. It can also cause you to just be irritated all the time and end up yelling at people because you are so uncomfortable and on edge. I developed acne, I had muscle twitches, I had some basic muscle coordination issues--it was hard to write and even to read because I lost some fine motor coordination.

The antidepressant I was taking also is used to treat anxiety. That explains why I could shoplift and really not feel bad about it. As I cut the medication, I found I just couldn't do it anymore. I found myself being my usual square self who pays for everything.

Unfortunately, now I have mess to deal with. I don't have as much as Winona Ryder did, but still, it's a mess. One that I didn't even realize I was getting into until now when I am going off of it.